Pick up Lines...

Women pretty much can't stand pick-up lines, and it's usually a sure-shot to becoming an instant creep. It's true, because I couldn't even count how many times a woman has told me this herself. Some random ass limp dick stranger walking up to them, and blurting out "Do you know Karate baby? Cuz, damn girl, that body's kickin!" isn't exactly making them feel like that special somebody he's been searching for. Usually just the opposite, and she can actually taste that vomit flavor in the back of her throat. However if you come up with something some-what cute, and manage to make her laugh or smile in the process. That beautiful woman you're busy drooling over could end up being your next girlfriend. You only need to know of which lines to actually use, and which ones make you look like date-rapist. Here are a couple ideas.

"You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if you think I'm cute." This is funny, and the fact there's another person involved makes it that less creepy.

"Gee, that's a nice set of legs you have. So tell me, what time do they open?" This one is a total joke of course, and I don't ever recommend using it. Ever.
"Believe it or not, meeting somebody is still hard when you're this good-looking." This one is funny, because most women actually feel like this. Just make sure you say it with a smile, and she understands you're joking.

"Hello there, can I flirt with you?" You would be surprised how many times that works.
"Are you an interior decorator? Because when I just noticed you sitting here this room became a lot more beautiful." Yeah, I know. It's total cheese, but you will make her smile when you say it.

"You can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but I'm here to tell you, the best way to fall is in love with me." It's the corny one's, I'm telling you. She will smile for miles.

Turn to the shorter girl sitting next to you at the bar and say... "I'm not really this tall, I'm actually sitting on my wallet." This one is kind of funny, and she might think you're being cute.

"Do you mind if I hang out here until its safe to go back to where I farted?" This one is a little risky, but it's hilarious!
"I hope your evening has been as radiant as your smile." These are the one's that actually work.

"My boys over there bet me I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful woman in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?"
"You know honestly, you may be asked to leave soon. You’re making the other women look really bad." This is sassy, and you can actually pretend like you're about to escort her out.

So those are a few lines women don't actually mind hearing, but if you want to continue asking them what has 142 teeth, and holds back the incredible hulk. Your zipper! Then by all means if it's working, don't let up.

 written by: Jesse Fleig